I Wear a Halo
by Bryan Greenberg
Summary: Oneshot song fic. Will their relationship survive his rose colored perception of her? Trory.


Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls or _Halo_.

**I Wear a Halo**

Rory met Tristan again at their five year reunion from Chilton. Rory hadn't wanted to go, but Paris was going at the insistence of Terrence, and she made Rory go with her. It showed how popular Tristan had been at that school that he was invited despite the fact that he didn't actually graduate from Chilton. It turned out they were both living and working in Boston. They spent the evening talking to only each other and, by the end of the night, Tristan had managed to convince her that they should be friends. She was skeptical of his ability to be her, or any girl's, friend, but she was willing to give it a try since he appeared to have changed.

At the start of their friendship, Rory was two months out of a very messy breakup. She had realized in the months after her graduation that, were she to stay with Logan, his family would never accept her having a career and he would never be able to completely break away from them. It had eventually destroyed them.

She had been wary to start a new relationship, but Tristan had been patient, and she began to trust him as a friend. It was six months into their friendship before she agreed to go on a date with him. By that point they had established such a close friendship that their relationship progressed quickly.

_I never promised you a ray of light_

_I never promised there'd be sunshine every day_

Their relationship was passionate so it only made sense that their first real fight was intense and public. Logan came to her office to talk to her, and Tristan had come to take her to lunch. Logan made a hasty retreat when the yelling began.

"Damn it, Tristan! You have to trust me. I'm not going to cheat on you. I don't want him," she shouted in response to his biting accusations.

"What am I supposed to think, Rory? You loved him," He retorted, spitting out the word 'love' with distaste.

"Loved," she stressed, "Past tense. I'm not sixteen anymore. I'm not going to apologize for speaking to another man whenever you become a jealous ass. I did it with Dean and Jess, but I won't do it anymore. You're just going to have to suck it up and realize that I love you, and I won't cheat on you."

"You love me?" he asked, his voice losing its bite.

"Yes," she said quietly, looking down at her desk. She was always afraid to say those words. She had never had a relationship where the saying of 'I love you' had been straight forward. There had always been at least a breakup before both members of the relationship had said it.

He put his finger under her chin and gently raised her face so she was looking in his eyes. "I love you, too," he said before pulling her towards him and kissing her harshly.

_I'll give you everything I have_

_The good the bad_

He pressed her up against the door to her office, kissing her, and reached behind her to lock it. She had to bite her lip hard to keep from moaning as they made hot hard love on the floor of her office. By the time they both came, her lip was bleeding.

"Maybe I'll take the rest of the day off," she said, breathing heavily, as she put her clothes back on.

He smirked at her. The same smirk that had annoyed her every day in high school but now turned her on. "That good, huh," he said, cockily.

"Or, maybe not," she said with a roll of her eyes.

He grinned at her and moved towards her. He pressed his lips against her and gave her a soft kiss. "I love you," he whispered against her lips.

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head against his chest. "I love you too, Tris," she said, "But I need you to trust me. I'm not going to leave you. For Logan or anyone else."

He nodded, keeping his arms wrapped tightly around you. "I'm sorry," he said, "I do trust you."

_Why do you put me on a pedestal?_

_I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below_

_So help me down you've got it wrong_

_I don't belong there_

To Tristan, she was always 'Mary.' She was the unattainable girl from high school that made up his fantasies during the long lonely nights at military school. A part of him was surprised and disappointed when she wasn't a virgin when they made love the first time. He his it well because he knew it was unreasonable disappointment, but she had felt it. It was tangible.

She was always afraid that one day he would figure out that she wasn't 'Mary' and she wasn't perfect. She was subconsciously afraid that he was going to leave her on that day, and she didn't think she would be able to handle that. She knew she had never loved anyone like she loved him.

She thought that day came when he found out about her foray into the world of crime with Logan. She had meant it to be a funny story, but she could tell from the look on his face that he wasn't laughing.

"You stole a boat?" he asked, shock written on his face.

She shrugged. "I needed to take to the sea," she said with a small smile.

_One thing is clear _

_I wear a halo _

_I wear a halo when you look at me _

_But standing from here _

_You wouldn't say so _

_You wouldn't say so if you were me _

_And I, I just want to love you _

_Oh I, I just want to love you_

She was a little relieved that he was taking the story so seriously. Maybe now he could see past 'Mary' and she wouldn't have to be afraid anymore. She loved him. She knew that, but she was afraid that he didn't love the real her. If he couldn't still love her after she was separate from the virginal image he associated with her, then maybe he wasn't worth it. It would hurt, but at least she wouldn't have to be afraid anymore.

She was cheated from even that comfort. "I can't believe Logan got you to do that," he said, shaking his head sadly.

She sighed, but she shouldn't have been surprised. That was everyone's reaction, after all. Her mother, Luke, her grandparents. No one could imagine perfect Rory Gilmore instigating grand theft boating. It drove her crazy that everyone saw her as an easily manipulated damsel in distress. The same thing had happened when everyone blamed Jess for crashing her car.

"Got me to do that," she said slowly, in slight disbelief. She couldn't bring herself to correct him. She was still too afraid to shatter his image of her on purpose.

_I always said that I would make mistakes _

_I'm only human and that's my saving grace _

_I'll fall as hard as I try _

_So don't be blinded _

_See me as I really am _

_I have flaws and sometimes I even sin _

_So pull me from that pedestal _

_I don't belong there _

They moved in together after a year of dating. About a month later, Rory decided she couldn't live anymore with the little nagging fear she always had. She needed to make him see her, really see her. It wasn't that he didn't know her. He knew her better than anyone, but he saw it all through rose colored glasses. She loved him too much to let him keep looking at her that way. There was only one thing she could think of to tell him that would definitely do that. The one thing that she was ashamed of more than anything.

"Tris," she said softly one night as they were snuggled on the couch watching mindless television, "I want to tell you something. It's something I did that I'll never be able to take back, and I just…think you should know."

"Ok," he said, kissing the top of her head reassuringly. He couldn't imagine her having done anything that bad. She was his 'Mary.'

"You remember Dean?" she asked nervously.

"Bagboy," he said with distaste.

"Yeah," she responded, "Well, we broke up and got together one more time after the time you knew about in high school. It was right after my first year at Yale. He was my…first."

"I'm not sure I want to hear about this, Mar," he said. She blanched at his casual use of the nickname. To him it was an endearment. A reminder of their history. But to her it was just twisting the knife that she wasn't who he thought she was.

"Just let me finish," she insisted, "When we…you know, he was married. I slept with a married man."

"He must have lied to you," Tristan insisted immediately, "He told you she had moved out, that it was over."

"No, Tristan," she said, softly but firmly, "I wasn't even thinking about her. I didn't care. I just wanted the safety and comfort that he represented. I made a mistake. I helped destroy a marriage."

He looked at her for a second and stood up. "I need to go," he said, "I need to think."

"Tris, please," she said, but he walked out the door.

_Like to think that you know me _

_But in your eyes _

_I am something above me _

_That's only in your mind _

_Only in your mind_

It was four o'clock in the morning before Tristan returned to the apartment. He had just walked around for hours, thinking.

He walked into the apartment and noticed Rory had fallen asleep on the couch. He felt a tug on his heart when he saw the tear stains on her face. He sat down next to her and gently brushed his hand across her cheek.

Her eyes slowly blinked open at his touch. "Tris?" she asked, voice full of sleep, "I didn't think you were coming back."

His heart broke at her tone. "I'm so sorry," he said, "I should never have left. I have no right to judge you. We all know I made my share of sexual mistakes. I was just surprised."

"I know," she said softly, glad they were finally talking about this, "But I'm not that girl you were in love with in High school, Tristan. I was never really that girl. I need you to love me, not 'Mary.' I can't always be afraid that you're going to leave me when you realize I'm not who you thought I was. I love you. I love all of you, including and because of your faults, and I need that same thing."

He was beginning to realize the insecurities Rory had been suffering through for their entire relationship. He pulled her into his arms and held her close.

"I love you, Rory."

_I wear a, I wear a, I wear a Halo_

AN- I was listening to this song on the _One Tree Hill_ soundtrack and it just reminded me of Rory and how everyone freaked out when she wasn't perfect little stick up her butt Rory. I was going to make it a Rogan, but then I realized he's probably the only one of her boys who never put her on a pedestal and it made perfect sense as a Trory. Let me know what you think.


End file.
